Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
