I heard we made out
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
