I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
