I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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