you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
