I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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