9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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