I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
