I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
