No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
