so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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