I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
