Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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