So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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