I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You smell like stripper and shame
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
