WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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