He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
