why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
