Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
