I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
