do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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