VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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