PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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