My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
