Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
