these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
