i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
