I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
