So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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