dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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