Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
