My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
