Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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