he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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