I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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