u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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