some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We got so high we made milksteak
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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