I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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