so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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