ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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