i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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