Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
