I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
