no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
