I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
