Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
where are you?
Hypothermia
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
