Cold hands, warm shart.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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