i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
