How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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