: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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