Kiss
Puke
everyone is single if you try hard enough
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
