OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
