i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
