the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
