TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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