I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
